Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Alan Greenspan: “I screwed up!”

In his bluntest admission to date of his role in inciting the financial crisis, former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan has decided to come out clean:

“I screwed up!”

Greenspan, 83, was speaking at a press conference in Basel, Switzerland, at the fringe of the Global Symposium on Rebuilding the Pillars of Self-Regulation, which he intended to boycott.

Asked about his one-time conviction about bank officers’ superior risk-management skills to those of regulators, the Maestro conceded:

“They had me with their fan charts! Default probabilities in color!… I’d never seen them before!… Bayesian, no less!”

Greenspan expressed his stern commitment to do whatever it takes to redeem himself, including re-writing his memoirs, proofreading FOMC minutes, or even taking a job at the Treasury.

Yet, local sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity, revealed Greenspan has applied to extend his Swiss visa, after being tipped by Chinese secret agents he had been shortlisted by Secretary Geithner for the post of Bank Nationalization Czar.

“That would be a step too far,” he suggested, when asked about the prospect.

Chinese secret agents were not available for comment.

Still, trusted sources report China is working to quash Greenspan’s plan to stay in Switzerland, luring him instead into spending his latter years in Beijing.

Greenspan did not seem entirely closed to the idea. Visibly distressed by the fatals flaws he discovered in his ideological framework, he said:

“As long as I can get my saving deposits out of Citi and into China, it could help me find my peace of mind,” he said.

Indeed, sources say he is already considering a lucrative offer to employ his formidable forecasting skills as prime-time anchor for the Chinese weather channel.

>Happy April Fool’s!


Anonymous said...

Is this linked to the Sarkozy/Merkel walk out I wonder? http://deusexmacc.blogspot.com/2009/04/merkel-sarkozy-join-protesters.html

you get the leaders you deserve said...

an Greenspan was the greatest con artist of all time.

Now he's just trying to break his own record.

taariq said...

I totally was into the post until the end!

Got me.

Chris said...

LOL! Good one!

Anonymous said...
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Frank said...

Got me