In a last-ditch attempt to get Greece to fix its public finances, German Chancellor Angela Merkel has turned to the wayward country’s cultural heritage for ideas.
In a somewhat bizarre move, the Chancellor launched yesterday the so-called “Lysistrata Initiative”, named after Aristophanes’ eponymous play, which calls on the women of Greece to withhold sexual privileges from their partners until they file their tax returns.
The call comes on the heels of a European Council report showing Germany, along with Finland, trailing far behind France, Italy, Greece and Spain (or the FIGS) in the eurozone rankings for sexual activity.
“German taxpayers cannot be asked to finance the unrestrained lives of the Greeks” said an exasperated Ms Merkel.
A senior German diplomat agreed: ”All we’re asking the Greeks is to take their strikes to a more constructive level.”
Greek women have yet to come forth with an official position on the matter. But sources inside the “Hellenic Association of Female Pensioners Under 40”, a representative group, suggest they are not entirely closed to the idea.
Reportedly, a hardline faction within the Association is pushing for a pledge to renounce all sexual pleasures, including The Lioness on The Cheese Grater (a popular sexual position with ancient roots), in the name of fiscal discipline.
The pledge would be conditional on reparations from Germany of still unspecified nature, if the strike turned out to last more than a week.
Weary that any such move would hamper productivity at a sensitive time for Greece’s debt dynamics, Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou has stepped forth with a fiery response.
He accused the Council of manipulating the statistics, with the intention of presenting the lives of the Greeks as “too lovely”.
He then moved to condemn speculators for planting rumors about a “Greek brain drain”, saying that there is “absolutely no evidence” of Greeks moving to Germany to exploit the underutilized sexual landscape.
Separately, French President Nicolas Sarkozy said his country’s top showing in the European Council report gave further support to his suggestion to include “happiness” in a country’s GDP.
He added that, by this new measure, France would overtake the United States by far in GDP per capita, compared to a shortfall of 14% currently.
The euro advanced on the news.
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Happy April Fool's!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Merkel Places Hopes in Lysistrata Initiative
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3 comments:
You almost has me here, al-most! But Germans will be Germans (and Greeks will be Greeks)! Good one!
Heh! The last place on earth I ever expected to be reminded of the “lioness on the cheese grater” line from the Lysistrata was in an economics blog post about German Chancellor Angela Merkel-- this is very funny indeed.
Great stuff. Very funny. I hope this will not cause a mass migration within the EU
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